Plus-size yoga teacher?

One of my (Dawn) life-long battles has been with my body and my weight. For as long as I can remember I've heard things like "you're so pretty for being plump" and "you'd be stunning if you'd just lose a little weight". Crushing to hear that as a 15-year-old.

But despite the fat-phobia that abounds in our society, I have a pretty solid sense of self and a good grasp on self-confidence. My body and I haven't always gotten along and i've certainly mistreated my body on a more regular basis than my body has mistreated me, but it's been a pretty fun relationship so far.

The one thing that I have always, always loved is dance. As a little girl I did ballet, tap, jazz, gymnastics...if it involved being on stage, I was ready with a smile.

But somewhere along the way I forgot how great it feels to connect with my body in that deep, physical way. My body became an "it" that was out of control while I watched in the wings. Heavier and heavier I got (not that that stopped me from having a crazy social life and a wicked sense of fashion).

Over the last few years, I've discovered the power and release of yoga. Stepping onto that mat with my thick belly and thighs, wobbly arms and large breasts, I feel myself settle into this magical body of mine and we feel connected. One being - mind, body, spirit.

It's such a relief to know we still communicate through breath and poses, movement and postures.

I'm not going to say yoga comes easy to me. It's impossible to do a forward fold when you have a big belly blocking the way. And don't even get me started on inversions...my boobs pretty much strangle me!

But, that hasn't stopped me.

Many a class I am the only person huffing and puffing from exertion by the end of the warm up. Too many sun salutations (4?) and I'm pouring sweat. But yoga is not a competition.

Just because all of the graceful and lithe women around me are in full Plow or Shoulder Stand doesn't mean I have to be...I simply modify and do my best.

Yoga has definitely taught me to be patient with myself. It took me MANY years to get this out of shape and I can't undo that damage overnight. But I can learn to love every single cell and jiggle and wiggle. I can learn to have compassion for myself and my past mistakes. I can begin to make better choices for myself today.

I've been thankful that most of the yoga teaches I've met have been accepting of my limitations without putting me in a spotlight. Most.

The one thing that I feel needs to change within the yoga community is that I want more plus-sized bodies and more injured or other-abled bodies to feel that yoga is accessible to them.

The 350-pound woman that's intimidated, the person with knee injuries that fears some of the poses, the people in wheelchairs that can't get up the stairs to the studio in the first place...yoga is for all of you, too!!!!

Which brings me here.

I am on a quest to become a yoga teacher. I want to bring this joy into my community for everyone: the experienced and flexible, the out-of-shape, the folks that lack confidence, the handicapped and other-abled people, children and new mothers...everyone!

I may not be able to do a full twist because my succulent stomach prevents it and I may have to do modified plank because lifting 300-pounds of sexy woman into the pose is nearly impossible. But, darn it...I love yoga. I LOVE YOGA. I feel myself growing stronger with each class and what an empowering thing!

I can hold Down-Dog longer and longer (even with my boobs cutting off my air supply)! And that is an AMAZING feeling.

As for dance? I still love that, too. A recent trip to Kripalu reminded me that dance, like yoga, is a medium for completely and utterly surrendering to the moment and to my body.

So I am also going to get my JourneyDance teacher certification in a few months.

Oh what a ride it will be!

Watch out yoga world!!! A big, succulent, crazy, wild woman is about to thunder in plant and herself square in the heart of the community. Make room and please be kind.

PS - If anyone has any idea where I can find tight-fitted, FLATTERING, plus-sized yoga gear...would you send me a link or a name?

Namaste, everyone!!! Especially all you big girls!