Overcoming Insincerity

 Lately, I’ve been faced with an extraordinary amount of insincerity. I know I’m certainly guilty of it, too, and it stems from fear, exhaustion, or insecurity. Over the last few months there seems to be a growing epidemic of insincere sentiments and unkind words being tossed around like water balloons on a hot summer day.

I’ve been working hard to cultivate compassion, patience, love (for myself and for others), and kindness. Some days these things come naturally. Other days, I find myself struggling to stay afloat and maintain inner peace in the face of sarcasm, criticism, negativity, anger, and more. The onslaught can feel like a physical attack at times.

So what is insincerity and how do we cope with it?

Manifesting Words

The energy that we carry with us manifests itself in life by attracting like to like (similar to the Law of Attraction as discussed in books like “The Secret”). If you think positive, if you believe positive, then you emit positivity and thus positivity finds you…just like two magnets clinging together.

If everything in the universe is composed of energy, then we can deduce that thoughts have energy, sounds are energy vibrations, and spoken word is a powerful manifestation of thought and vibration.

Modern sage Russill Paul speaks of the power of words in his workshops. Each word we utter carries with it the power to manifest powerful energy.

We all know from first hand experience that human speech can bring about prosperity, make dreams come true, and inspire people towards great things. But, speech can also instill fear, hatred, disgust, pain, and isolation. So how do we increase the former while reducing the latter?

If a word truly represents its subject, then saying the word “hate” manifests hatred into your life in some way. Additionally, the person that HEARS you say the word “hate” receives the energy you are emitting and takes it into their body and soul.

Take a moment to think about how you use words on a daily basis.

I know much of what I say is sarcastic, flip, or dismissive. In other words, I am giving sound and energy to something insincere when I use words in a misleading way.

So, how to we start working on changing ourselves and what do we do when we’re faced with a situation of insincere negativity?

Facing the Truth to Stimulate Change

What was the last thing that you said to someone? What was the energy behind it and what words did you choose to use? Was it a sarcastic remark or a thinly veiled lie? Was it said with love and compassion and did it make your heart swell with joy?

The words we use and the way we use them has a tremendous impact on our daily attitude and disposition.

If our speech is littered with complaints about the people in our lives then all we’re doing is making ourselves miserable, insincere, and unkind. If we constantly focus on the negative aspects of our day, we’re bringing more of those things to us for the days to come and showering our loved ones with the same negative energy.

What would your day look like if every word you uttered came from your heart?

What if in the face of a frustrating moment, you stopped and thought about a way to change things for the better using words? Imagine how energized you would feel if you sincerely worked to uplift and serve everyone you encountered by offering compassion, patience, and genuine words of love? What if you turned a forgiving word towards yourself and accepted yourself without judgment or ridicule?

Can you even fathom such a thing? Does it terrify you? Does it seem impossible? Or does it feel like something you want to embrace and roll around in?

Here are a few things you can look for in your daily interactions with others (and with yourself) to identify insincerity:

-          Sarcastic replies

-          Telling lies when the truth is uncomfortable

-          Cursing and using violent language

-          Complaining about others

-          Focusing on the negative instead of highlighting the positive

-          Rudeness and frustration towards others

-          Gossiping

I’m certainly guilty of doing many of these things several times in a single day. And it’s typically when I’m having a bad day.

I challenge you to try an exercise in sincere communication.

Try it for an hour or a day and see how you feel at the end of it. Challenge yourself to think and utter words of acceptance, love, kindness, compassion, and joy especially when faced with challenging or frustrating situations. Offer up heartfelt compliments. Give yourself some praise when it’s deserved. Look for the positive in a tough situation and focus on it with your thoughts and words as you try to come up with a solution.

Changing thought patterns and habitual words can seem like a monumental obstacle. And there will always be times of passion or anger when emotions rule a situation (at least for me), so don’t set an unattainable goal by expecting perfection.

Even if you consciously practice positive, sincere thoughts and speech for only a few minutes each day, you’ll notice that compassion, kindness, and positive change will begin to crop up in your daily activities like little spring flowers poking through the snow after a long winter.

Try it. You’ll like it.

The Company You Keep

One final thought I’d like to leave you with is when you find yourself in a situation where loved ones are constantly filling their conversation with negative or insincere energy.

The first thing to remember is we can only control our reactions to other people’s actions.

Secondly, if it’s truly harmful to you, then remove yourself from the situation. Violent and rude language shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone, so don’t even chance it and just leave.

But what about the friend that constantly speaks negatively about your mutual friends? What about the family member that only seems to complain about every moment of their horrid day? These are people you love and care for, yet the energy they’re sharing with you can be irritating and deflating.

The best thing you can do is to listen and love them, but tell yourself ahead of time that you are completely protected and separate from their situation. By mentally shielding yourself, you can help stop that negative energy from seeping into your thoughts and words.

Don’t encourage their behavior by agreeing or egging them on, especially if you’re only doing it because you aren’t sure what else to say. Silence or a smile can mean “I’m listening” without having to lower your inner joy in any way.

If someone asks you to join in with gossip or complaints about someone you know, change the course of the conversation by offering something positive about the person. Often times, it immediately stops the conversation dead in its tracks and you can broach a different subject.

It is not our job to try and fix or change anyone else in this world. The only thing we can do is to work on ourselves and hold everyone else in compassionate love.

So while I have been finding myself surrounded by insincerity and negativity lately, I am working on fixing myself and my outlook, finding positive ways to frame situations, and offering loving kindness to people in pain without internalizing their situation as my own.

It’s a challenge for me, but I can only do my best each day and learn from my mistakes. It’s the best any of us can do.