Facing the Burrito Demon Through Self-Awareness

Last night in a particularly intense (for me) yoga session, the instructor said something that I found to be incredibly profound:

“Yoga is not about self-improvement. Yoga is about self-awareness.”

Her timing in sharing this little tidbit was auspicious since the intention I’d set for my practice just moments before was “Listen to my body”.

Listen to my body. Easier said than done - tapping into that self-awareness.

----------------------------------------

We don’t realize how hard it can be to really, truly, truthfully listen to our body when we spend most of our time rushing from one task to the next at home, at work, in life...largely in denial of neglecting our most precious resource.

I challenge you to listen to your body.

What does it say? What is it saying right now? What does it say when you’re stressed or anxious or angry at the latest turn of events?

-- Does your body sleep peacefully at night or does it protest and toss and turn?

-- Does your body enjoy the fuel you give it through the food choices you make? Does it stay happy for hours feeling strong and fulfilled or does it constantly object through grumblings and hunger pangs or bloating and indigestion?

-- Do you abuse your body with smoking or drinking alcohol or filling it with sugars and chemicals? Or do you lovingly provide it with precisely the fuel it needs for optimal health and wellness – things like water and tea and organic produce?

-- Does your body relax when you give it a moment to release or is there a perpetual tightness that creeps into your neck or shoulders or face?

-- Do you criticize your body for not being slim enough or strong enough or healthy enough or tan enough or smooth enough, wishing for a different body free from these imperfections?

------------------------------------------

I have a complex and many-layered relationship with my body.

It is out of shape, overweight, occasionally plagued with low back pain or pinching knees or protesting ankles and constantly tense/tight shoulders and neck. But it has carried me through life with as much grace as possible considering the abuse I’ve laid on it for so many years…over eating, under exercising, neglecting it at every turn.

So, how do I transform this life-long habit of abuse into love and nurturing and compassion and acceptance?

It’s a journey and a slow one, at that.

------------------------------------------

Last night, we were doing seated twists but my belly prevented me from getting into the position I wanted in order to get a full twist. I did my best to accept that this is where I am in this moment and I did my best to modify without judgment.

In moments when I’m on the yoga mat doing a yoga practice, I am given permission by my wonderful instructors to sink into this moment called “Now” and to settle deep within myself in order to have an honest dialog.

In challenging poses, I ask my legs for strength, or I ask my breath for precious air, and I do my best to listen to every single cell for cues on how to execute each move to the best of my ability.

Self-awareness comes with a price, though. Holding up a mirror of truth, I begin to see how I got here and it’s not pretty. I am challenged to face my fears, to walk towards them, and then come out the other side wiser and stronger for it. But it’s painful and scary, at times.

--------------------------------------------

After yoga last night, I began experiencing symptoms of my panic attacks. It starts with a tingling in my left arm and chest so my anxiety attacks present much like a heart attack. This sends me off on a ride of worry – Is it anxiety or is it a heart attack this time?

Then, I plunge into anger and fear chastising myself for the latest poor eating choices or for not exercising more, blaming myself for the heart attack that I am now convinced will take me at any moment.

So what did I do in the middle of this panic and fear and self-judgment? I went to Taco Bell and got a burrito.

Yes. You read that right. I got a burrito and immediately started consuming it like it might be my last.

But, something amazing happened.

Halfway through that burrito, I stopped myself and listened.

I realized that I had just made a choice that was perpetuating this awful cycle of self-destruction.

I was scared and ignoring the fear. This pushed me into a desperate search for something comforting (food) which lent itself to the panic that had originally led to my fear in the first place.

In that moment, I saw the awful cycle that I’d created for myself for all of these years.

And while it was a relief to have this moment of insight, I was completely overwhelmed at the size and scope of this cycle that gripped me so tightly. How do you begin undoing a set of habits that have been a standby since childhood?

It all comes back to self-awareness, to being present, and in listening to my body.

It was a step towards healing. One of one hundred million, but it was one. And one step is profound.

“Yoga is not about self-improvement. Yoga is about self-awareness.”

Through self-awareness, I can begin to identify, heal, challenge, accept, grow, and love everything that is me. I’m not becoming aware of myself for anyone or anything. I am looking at myself with honesty and settling into the imperfections and seeing where I come out on the other side.

Creating Sacred Space Amongst the Chaos

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." ~unknown

I know I'm a victim of my own mind more often than anything else. I pressure myself to be more successful, do more at home, do more in my personal time from volunteering to meeting up with friends and the first thing to go is usually myself.

Finding peace and creating sacred space even in the most stressful of situations is something I work on constantly.

So how can you do the same?

Here are a few techniques to combat anxiety, stress, fear, frustration, and a myriad of other harmful reactions to our everyday lives and create a space of sacred calm despite it all.

Just Breathe

It sounds too simple, too easy. But it is the most effective tool in your toolkit and it's free, fast, and always available.

No matter what's going on around you, if you take a few moments to stop, pause, and take a few deep breathes you'll immediately feel more grounded and level-headed.

If you're looking for a simple, effective breath that only takes a few minutes then do four-corner breathing.

Find a semi-quiet spot whether it's your office, the bathroom, the shower, the car or outside. Then, find something square to gaze at: a TV (that's off), your computer monitor, a frame, a picture you love, even your phone or a piece of paper. Anything with 4 corners.

Starting in the upper left corner, inhale as you slide your eyes to the upper right corner. Pause your breath and slide your eyes to the lower right corner. Exhale slowly as your move your eyes to the lower left corner. Pause your breath and slide your eyes to the upper left corner.

Repeat this, slowly, at least 5 times (10 is better) and you will instantly feel like your reset button has been hit.

For more information on the power of breath, look into pranayama techniques or Breath of Joy for a truly revolutionary breath experience.

Mantra

A personal, self-affirming mantra is something that you can take with you everywhere. It's a powerful reminder that you are greater than the sum of the current chaos in your life.

Mantra can be something as simple as "I am beautiful" or "I breathe peace" to something more personal like "I am proud of my strength in moments like this". It can even be something more spiritual like "Truth is my name" or "I bow to the divine within myself".

Whatever mantra you select for yourself, write it down on a few pieces of colorful paper and slip them into your wallet over your picture ID, tape one on your steering wheel or dashboard, to the base of your monitor, or under the case on your cell phone. Having these little reminders everywhere is the perfect way to remind yourself that you are powerful, beautiful, empowered, and capable of peace even in the most challenging moments.

As soon as you think your mantra or see your mantra, take a few deep breaths and let it really sink in. Say it to yourself in the mirror. The positive affirmation will immediately elevate your energy and lend a positive spin to whatever is going on around you.

Laugh, or Fake It 'Til You Make It

We all know the power of a smile and a laugh to heal some of the world's most serious ills. So use this magical tool to your advantage.

When the going gets tough...fake it 'til you make it. Fake a laugh, fake a smile and believe it or not, you'll truly tap into some of the benefits of a REAL smile.

Even better, think of something completely ridiculous to illicit a true peal of joy from your lips. Think about doing something totally crazy like the chicken dance in the middle of your next corporate meeting, or running screaming with your arms over your head while you screech like a chimpanzee in the grocery store. Think of a funny joke your kid told you or something hysterical your partner did last weekend.

Whatever it is, if you can find a little levity in the moment, you will immediately bring light and a small dose of joy to your heart and mind.

Turn On Some Music

Sacred space is all about you and bringing peace and serenity to your body and soul. Music is another great resource most of us have access to that can give us a brief respite from the madness of the moment.

Whatever kind of music you enjoy when you want to relax and unwind, pop it in (even if you only have time for one song), close your eyes and let it carry you away.

Music has incredible powers to heal and if you pair it with mindful breathing, an inspiring mantra and a little smile, you will have created a space in time that is healing, healthy, powerful, transformative and accessible in even the most insane afternoons.

While these are only a few of the tools we have at our disposal, they are very very powerful when you use them mindfully and frequently to get you through the day.

We have several even more powerful techniques and tools for creating transformational moments throughout your day, so check back soon for details on the forthcoming workshop.

Namaste and remember that you deserve a few moments of love and joy each and every day!!!